Suspension Tokyo.dragonext

So many years have passed
The dew is still on the roses
I left my childhood
In the garden of green

Come in the garden
And look at the tress
I used to play there when I was a child
Squirrels & birds
Little fairies
Settled down there long ago

A song from the movie Arrietty
The lyrics made me feeling very lonely

Had another awful day
I think the coming year will also be awful

I was hopeful last night
But could not help it
When returned to office
Knowing that ebay had suspended Tokyo
Without warning us previously

Really
What were I doing in the past 6 months
No, 7 months indeed
From the end of May to now
Almost January

Stephen's words was haunting me again
For the hard work in the past half year
You achieved almost nothing
Have you ever doubted
That you had actually walked the wrong path
Heading the Wrong direction?
I think I will remember this question forever

Had a phone conversation with him
Another awful one
Felt so bad
Felt useless & retard

Feelings are something honest
You felt hurt
Then the problem did exist
That the problem did haunt you

Hated it this way
Why were I feeling disgusted
When listening to his speech
I shouldn't should
Because honestly
You are achieving almost nothing
With the resources you were given
Your boss
Any boss
Would have every right to feel displeased
And you are not "happy" when hearing his comments
That he needed to say
"Though you may not like it, I would like to speak it this way..."
Honestly
How dare you
With the trash work that you had done
Who give you the right to be unhappy?

After lunch
Got another msn from Stephen
He said that he would like to have Phoebe
To dedicate completely into the web editor position
And report directly to him
For this reason
Phoebe would not be able to work for product specifications any more
So I might have to hired another person

I asked him the deadline for his
He said 15 Jan 2011
I said ok
And immediately posted an ad online
Hiring a replacement
With tears all over my face

I sort of thought product team was on track
So I could shift my attention to another area
I thought product team could run on its own

I sort of thought HK CS team was on track
So I could stress my attention on SZ CS
I thought HK CS could run on its own

Now Phoebe needed to go
I needed to do things all over again
When I first worked in mainland
Taking care of the descriptions

Now Jess was having problem with Dragonext emails
I needed to monitor her
As if I was monitoring the SZ CS team
Taking care of mail quality & quantity

I realized that I was back to step number 1
Nothing was finished, completed or done
All cases were unclosed, unsettled
I couldn't help feeling tried
Well, I did feel tried
How rare

My work, my job, my career
Are the only things that give me a sense of existence
Only with them
I feel actual & strong
They give me the pride that I need
But now
I felt inferior
And vague

With regards to Phoebe's case
I said nothing
Well, with such bad results
Who gives you the right to say anything
Furthermore
She was hired as a web editor
You knew this long ago
Why even feel sad?

For the results that you had achieved
What you had was what you deserve
No one was being unfair to you
It's just business
It's nothing personal
Result oriented - that's all

When you are doing such lousy job
You are what you have done
So, please do not obstruct the others
Your bosses have plans
You could not fulfill
Then at least do not obstruct

You know that people like Phoebe is hard to be hired in SZ
Then, please do not obstruct Stephen's decision
Please do not say a word
Please do not say no
Please do not suggest
This is the most that you can do